Saturday, October 29, 2016

Shaping in the 805

THEM, TAVIS SMILEY, AND CERTAIN MOMENTS IN ADULT SWIM

I am way behind on my reading. Aside from work related materials, emails, memos, handbooks, etc., I’ve not done much other reading during the two months I’ve been on this gig. Oh the La Opinion here, Le Pariesien compliments of Sue there, but the room has a nice big screen, and when in Rome. The Kardashian show is one of the best things on TV, comedy, reality, drama. I can’t say enough good about it. They should be running for president. There’s a fairly recent episode built around Khloe’s birthday party that is just so amazing and profound. And the newest episodes are stupid. They are ill. So it’s them, Tavis Smiley and certain moments in Adult Swim. Otherwise the fare is vacuum cleaners at 5 a.m., or deep dives into heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach and poison frogs and spiders, adults talking like adult 7th graders, talking about moving the chains with a flick of their electric wrists, or patio cover packages, or hey the sell-a-thon is on. There’s amazing architecture in Versailles, and Stephen Hawking adores Jaguars.


A TRUTH AS I KNOW IT

You have to stay clean for the zoo; if you’re not clean, you’re not going.


CREATING DEPENDENT POPULATIONS

Smoking like someone had sold his life out from under him, using the top of trash container as a table for scratching lottery tickets in front of 7-Eleven and his coffee.


MY MOTTO

I paid my Obamacare premium today, and I submitted some reports per my contract, and while stuck in traffic turned on the radio and listened to Sergei Prokofiev’s “Classical” Symphony (symphony numero uno) played by the Los Angeles Philharmonic conducted by Andre Previn but I was at the beach in time to watch the sunset. I brought my blue cloth bag to the supermarket and toted back a bottle of wine and a package of turkey sliders. The wine is for the writing tonight and the turkey sliders are to help arrest the carnage and procure me some sleep later. Hey, it worked a couple of weeks ago. And it worked the night before last. My motto: Stick with a proven winner.


AMERICA

“We’re great because we’re good.” Hillary Clinton

I sing of wine and turkey sliders, not to mention “The Complicated Pain of America’s Queer Muslims” after all pornography (porno-porn-xxx) isn’t the top three internet search terms because there’s no market. Certain neighborhoods, sometimes entire towns, are disintegrating as the digital revolution runs its course. The ethanol plant closed, the Coca-Cola bottler closed, but porno-porn-xxx is till the top one two and three. Even the hospital shut its doors two years ago, but every bed on every floor has been occupied ever since, bikers riding through the corridors using the service elevators to go floor to floor. Shunted into our minimum wage warrens, we cannot imagine the tensile strength and the ferocity of the avarice and pressure among the elite wealthy special interest tax grabbing lava lamp gooey duck tumble dry liberals to hang on to the wealth and privilege they possess, which is why swords will never be beaten into plowshares no matter how eloquently and passionately they say otherwise. But our brains become a habitat for habitués and we fall for the fulsome sentiments espoused by our favorite celebrities interfacing with the moments that matter because if we didn’t we wouldn’t have a date for prom, and nobody wants to sit home alone. Gertrude Stein warned: “The Saturday evening which is Sunday is every week day.” Perhaps deep down we feel that the rich are better than we are, but our itty bitty minds conjure a magical thinking extravaganza aided and abetted and thrilled by the news that there’s a chance to win prizes. Drug addicts, sex slaves, self-mutilators, construction workers, truck drivers, politicians, movie stars—we are all invasive species. A decent bottle of wine is the only difference one way or the other. But I’ve always wondered what the neighbors across the alley think of the symbolism of the unrelenting parade of nurses carrying dead possums out to the trash bins.  


SHAPING IN THE 805

To write like a shaper designs a surfboard is my goal. I’m on a temporary work visa in this carpenter shop town on the central coast where shapers shape the boards they want to ride same as I write the words I want to read and hear.


THE REASONS IS

Office sofa dream state while doing statistical report, which is why you are told everything’s fine and you agree because you’re practically on the street but hey. Motel. Go to the beach walk into town couple of drinks and funny conversations at a bar, salad to go, more wine in the room, some writing and watching TV. Rel peepul, not acotrs.


BISON JAW COUNTY

Scrapped tires of various dimensions tat the edges of the blue tarps that cover the rusting reapers and mothballed hellfire missiles and use-by date expired laser-guided bombs. The yard also holds, in various states of disrepair and oxidation, junked cars and trailers and camper shells and kayaks and backboards and trampolines. Grandma is in the kitchen, clinking and stirring her coffee. The kids are already podcasting from their tree house. Out by the highway, the light is thick as amber by the panopticon of mail slots where there’s a human being slumped over in wheelchair, probably a mother, and her son is talking to her. They’re waiting for Dial-A-Ride.


FOOD DAY

The highest ranking official in attendance was the director of public health. The county supervisor for that district sent two representatives. Nobody from the city was there. There were nonprofits and organic farmers, and we watched preschool kids eat healthy snacks and dance.  Arthur Schopenhauer in his Studies in Pessimism nails it: “Each of us pays the penalty of existence in his own peculiar way.”


ELEVATION 7 FEET

Although the gig is in the metroplex, I got lucky and found a place to stay that satisfies my desire for tranquility. Although it is near the beach there is no pier or wharf, no promenade, boardwalk or esplanade, and the waves break too gently and too close to shore for surfing. I’ll miss the sunsets and the trains: the Coast Starlight nearing its final destination of Los Angeles, having departed Seattle the day before; the Pacific Surfliner going to and fro between San Diego and San Luis Obispo; and, to add gravitas, freight trains, tagged and working hard.


NUTRITION

I’m eating crazy; not as unhealthy as it could be, but certainly more for comfort; too much of a semi-good thing is no better than too much of a good thing, and doesn’t equal health. One fried egg and a pork chop for brunch, an apple and a chocolate chip scone for a snack and wine and turkey sliders for dinner. Am I drinking enough water?


YELP REVIEW: GOOD NITE INN, CALABASAS, CALIFORNIA

No Kardashians but otherwise excellent. Could use a few more international non-English language channels on TV to represent the area. There’s a decent Starbucks that’s walkable.  No Kardashians there, either, but lots of law enforcement. I feel better at least knowing the Kardashians are safer than in Paris.  




Thursday, October 27, 2016

I Wonder Though Too


IT WAS LIKE VERY OH OK

You talk about having a.
No that’s good.


PART OF IT IS

Kind of.
Well yeah.


I WONDER THOUGH TOO

It’s almost like.


SEE NOW THAT’S SOMETHING

If you need me to.


SHE’S A REGULAR COUNTRY DOCTOR

Only she’s a dentist.


YES YES

No, I think there’s a possibility.


WE MET IN PERTH

At the Crushed Glass Temple.
In the old Bank of Italy building.


HE’LL BE ON EITHER

His dad’s plan or my plan.


HIBISCUS EVE

I know right?


WHO IS THAT GUY?

Is that oh.


I’M ALL ROLLS OF ALFALFA

She was like megaliths.


NO NO NO

He’s living with a roommate.


SHE GOES YEAH

It's like I actually.


IT IS IT IS IT IS

But it’s like.


I ALWAYS THOUGHT

You know why.


JUST LIKE

Um.


BUT I MEAN YEAH

You sit down
And you say OK.


YOU KNOW I SHOULD

I’m going to just.
Yeah yeah.


HE WAS COOL MAN

He got us into all the games.


I DON’T KNOW

I don’t know.


HUH?

Huh?


I LITERALLY TOOK A SHOT OF YOU

And I zoomed it.


SHE’S IN DUBAI NOW

Making less than in Singapore.


NO I’M LIKE WHO DID THIS

You?


BUT WE

Everybody.


WHAT

No. What?


I KNOW

It’s like wow.


OH THAT’S COOL

Are you excited?


I WOULD JUST

You know what.
There you go.


OK UM SO

So um.


OR LIKE I TOLD YOU BEFORE

Sit down with a really good Scotch.







Saturday, October 22, 2016

We Speak the Same Language


I’M ALL

She was like.
I’m all.
And she goes.


WHICH HE’S JUST SO

Ships docking and ships sailing.


I DON’T’ KNOW IF YOU MET JOE YET

Joseph.
He owns some mines in Utah or somewhere.


AN OUTSTANDING VERBAL ELECTRICIAN

Founder and creative mastermind.
And has acquired a hip if sort of underground presence.


A PERSON HAVING CURRENTLY ACTIVE DIARRHEA SHALL NOT

Store another’s boat.


JESUS CHRIST

My lord and screen saver.


THE PIER RAN AWAY WITH THE BEACH

And I was like
Just let it go.


YEAH BUT THAT’S A LOT OF

Eye opening consciousness shattering.


IMA TELL YOU LIKE THIS

Everybody's a Kardashian.


MY THING WAS

Personalized recommendations.


IT’S TING!

Hi Ting!


SHE TOTALLY DOES

Old school jazz classics.
And then she brings in the new stuff, too.


WHICH IS NOW BEHAVIORAL WELLNESS

She was in there for a week.


YOU JUST WONDER HOW

Who opened the door?
It blows my mind.


AND I SUPPOSE

I imagine.
Well they may just.
Oh I’m sure.


SEE WHERE IT SAYS

This is great.
Right here.


IF MY BOYFRIEND STOPPED TALKING TO ME FOR FIVE DAYS?

I would be pissed.


I JUST FOUND OUT YESTERDAY

Uh that they uh.


MAYBE LATER

Like she was saying.


I WANTED THEM TO

And then when they.


CRAZYTOWN

Is what it is.


THANKS TO BAD DECISIONS

Both of us don't have a job.


THE LADY CALLED

I guess or texted.


WE NEED TO BE EMPLOY

To get a loan.
To buy a house.


I'M LIKE YOU

So if you want.
I mean.


AND I TOLD HER I SAID

That’s a great birthday
For people who enjoy water.



Thursday, October 20, 2016

It was After the Quake

THEY HAD THEIR KIND OF TILTH MOMENT

1. the act or process of tilling land.
2. the condition of soil or land that has been tilled.


IT WAS AFTER THE QUAKE

They moved to Tucson, Oregon.


HISTORY?

Souvenirs.


FORMER FLIGHT ATTENDANTS TAKING ULTRASOUNDS

See where 20 thousand points could take you.


YEAH I SAW IT ON TV

Here a while back.
Good beer-drinking town.


BAREFOOT KIDS

Dog running ahead.


NURSING HOMES

Feed lots.


WE SAW HER

Where did we see her?
Oh we saw her at.


BUT THERE’S THE WEATHER

And the gap between rich and poor.


THAT THAI PLACE

That’s where we saw her.


I’VE BEEN THERE

My whole family.
We’ve all been there.


THERE’S LIKE A BALLOON FACTORY

And an apple orchard.


SUDS CITY

Your launderland coin-op laundry.
No tinting or dyeing.


A PARCEL OF LAND

Soon to be a pistol and bow club.


APOLOGY?

It was obvious we were late.
What fucking more needed to be said?


GRACE BAPTIST

Storage for RVs boats, trailers.


KEEP IT CLEAN PLEASE

Do not sit on washers.
No smoking.


AND YOU THINK

Wait a minute.


EVERY TIME YOU GO BY

It says under new management.


SHE MADE IT CLEAR ON GOOD MORNING AMERICA

Every day’s a gift.


I THINK IT’S BECAUSE I UH

Which I usually don’t do.


PICK A GAME

Play your lucky numbers.


IT’S THE YEAH

It makes you like huh?


I DO THINK

There’s a balance.
But I just think.


I KNOW

But like I told him.


YEAH

Yeah no.


ANYWAY SO

My big thing is.


OK YEAH WELL

We’ll figure it out.


I’M ALL WHAT?

She’s like yes.
We’re like grrrr.


THAT WAS PRETTY LIKE

I don’t know.


NICE

Yeah.
Nice.
Busy.


YEAH

Yeah.
Yeah.


ACTUALLY I’M KIND OF READY FOR THAT

OK. Ciao.








Saturday, October 15, 2016

Up the Gut


SUPER MEGA FANTASY POWER

In Chinese, Spanish, German, French and English.
 

LES FAVORIS DES BOOKMAKERS 

I’m with them.
 

YSHENNA AND JABARI 

She was already up here.
 

MY SATURDAYS 

Even my Sundays.
 

OBVIOUSLY GREATNESS 

Has been thrust upon me.
 

ALT 0199 

aqui aquí alt161
tu y yo Tú  alt163 yo no
nòn là  alt149 + alt133 òà
alt162 and alt160
 

I WASN’T GOING TO MAKE THE TEAM 

And now I’m the man.
 

SEE WHAT GOING UP 

And pulling it down
Can do?
 
 
A BUSY DAY 

I’ll tell you later.
 

BUT MY FRIEND 

She’s like from Biarritz.
 

I’M JUST WARNING YOU 

People get like tag happy.
And they’re tagging you at 3 a.m.
 

GREAT RANGE TO THE GAP 

And to the line.
 

OUTSTANDING 

Location and movement.
 

HE SAID 

You’ve got good stuff.
 

AND YOU WATCH HIM 

And you watch how much
Let’s build new worlds together, shall we?
He is.
 

IT REALLY COMES OUT IN THE EGGPLANT 

Like bitch, he is amazing.
 

THAT’S WHAT HE LIKED ABOUT HER 

She knew how to dream.
 

LIKE I LOVE DOING THAT FOR HIM 

I love doing that.
 

HI SWEETHEART 

I thought I heard you.
 
 
SHE BROKE DOWN
 
Earlier this year on Dr. Oz.
 

THE SUN IS TOO HOT 

It is scorching our planet.
 

JESUS FUCK 

The sun.
 

SAY GOODBYE 

To stubborn fat.
 

AND THEN TWEETED OUT
 
You want to put a big one on there Mario?
 
 
I DISMISSED 

The warning.
 

MY SHIP CAME IN BUT I WAS AT THE AIRPORT 

My ship came in but I was in the desert.
My ship came in but my iPad being a bitch.
 

THEY CALLED ME 

They’re like are you home right now?
I'm like no.
 

A TOTAL GUY AND HIS MULE 

In the desert scene.
 

BIG 5, MOTEL 6, 7-ELEVEN 

Pizza Hut. Hut.
 
 
 




 





 

Thursday, October 13, 2016

At the Interpretive Area



AND SO I THINK YES 

No absolutely.


EVERYTHING'S LIKE YEAH

And then it's like.


WHAT I ACTUALLY

And I was so mad.


YEAH BUT YOU KNOW

That’s the other thing.


AND THEN IN MY HEAD

I’m beginning to think.


SOMETIMES THOUGH YEAH

That’s what I tell them.


I’VE BEEN SO

You.
He’s.


YEAH

Well actually no.


I WAS GOING TO SAY

It puts me in like a weird place.


OH YEAH SO YEAH

So then this one guy.


AND THEY GO

A lot of people.


WELL YEAH HE DID

But uh.


OK I

Oh OK.


WELL YEAH YOU KNOW

Yeah.


LIKE HONESTLY

I saw it and I was like.

 
NO BUT UM YEAH

Yeah.


YOU KNOW AND

So I told them I said.


LIKE HE WAS REALLY

Yeah right?


MY MAIN THING IS

OK so what happened.


YEAH YEAH

But no.


EVERY WEEK

I’m like OK.


THEN YEAH

And then they’ll go.


I TOLD HIM

And I was like.


THE OTHER THING IS

Yeah no well.


I WOULD TOTALLY

I mean right?


YEAH EXACTLY

But actually.


BECAUSE LIKE

We have two Kevins.


SHE’S ALL YEAH
 

It was so funny. 

 


Saturday, October 8, 2016

Bank Error in Your Favor


THIS SEQUENCE

Is not part of any content strategy.


BANK ERROR IN YOUR FAVOR

Some call it inventory liquidation.
I call it bank error in your favor.
Our mistake is your gain.
We’re overstocked.
We wrote too much.


SEE LIKE

We call that critical drive.


LIKE I ALWAYS SAY

It takes 3500 calories to make one pound of fat.


I DISSEPARATED FROM SOCIETY

Seceded from the arrondissement.
And rebecame me.


I’M THE IDENTITY MANAGEMENT ADMINISTRATOR

Ha visto este insecto?


WE TALKED

And.


IN TODAY’S ECONOMY TO GET A LITTLE BIT AHEAD

You need to just quit.


IF NO

State no.


I DO

But like.


THERE’S BEEN NO DIE-OFF

Finally the government had to say hey.


NAH

Yeah.
So.


I’M LIKE WOW

That’s a first.


EVERYTHING YOU BUY

Cash back.


TURNING FOUR INTO

Oh OK.
Yeah.


SEE THE THING ABOUT IT IS

She hadn’t realized how far he was removed and for how long.


IN OTHER WORDS

Small batch roasted.


YOU KNOW ME

A civilization unto myself.


AND I TOLD GARY

I said Dying Gaul is what it reminded me of.


DO IT OUR WAY

Or you’re not going to end up
Feeling fabulous.


AND I HEARD MAX SAY

He will.


I HAVE WATCHED EVERY HITLER DVD

That’s out there.


SO JAZMIN IS COMING

OK I’ll let them know.


WE DID WE SURE DID

Yeah John and I.


IT’S HARD TO MAKE BELIEVE

She’s not incontinent.


I REMEMBER

Shooting rattlers with my dad.


DID YOU GET YOUR MEDS REDONE?

You were shaking pretty hard.


I’M WONDERING 

If that’s right now
The approach they are taking.


WHEN GERRY GOT HOME

Alan goes
Gerry there’s
Pizza right there.