WHICH EXPLAINS THIS MORNING
People always come up to me and say
Your natural diamond
Saves the world from extinction.
And to say I wore it better than
Katy Perry or AOC
Is an understatement.
If the time is right: you win!
Is the way I look at it.
Hell you can’t even go out for a walk anymore
Without some Lettrist priest taking the microphone
During the Notre Dame—Michigan State game
To spout some anticlerical screed.
The barber shop is tagged with text predictions,
And two different posters for two different missing women.
The vast abyss becomes a bottomless pit
With gated RV parking.
I’m of the Original Six People.
I believe in First Gammie and First Grandad.
I believe in First Oma and First Opa.
I believe in First Nana and First Tata.
I believe in First Bibi and First Bapu.
I believe in First Mamaw and First Papaw.
No, I know, but it’s true.
And I’m not just whistling Dixie’s Carriage Trade.
I believe I definitely like have the right
To live in a city that is a dining destination.
And snappily the appily shows
No traffic between here and
Cheap drafts. Chill atmosphere.
Served on a bed of moonlight.
The best place for all of your entertainment needs.
It has to be, it’s been visited 900 billion times!
Which explains this morning,
Whipping up a batch of heartfelt poems
Like a crazed ATM disgorging $20s.
I mistook the coffee maker for the water flosser and
Experienced the taste of Mesopotamia without leaving home.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again,
I’ve got a monkey’s uncle on my back
And yet it’s all just incredibly rewarding.